


Fascinating

by Missy



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M, Humor, Kama Sutra, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-22 04:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy and Sheldon goad each other into trying out the Official Kama Sutra Handbook.  It turns out to be quite the experiment for the ages...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fascinating

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Porn Battle XII, prompt: The Big Bang Theory, Amy/Sheldon, Kama Sutra. Thank you to Amber for beta!

Two pairs of eyes stared at the white bound book situated on the lowest shelf of the adult section of the store.

“Fascinating.” Sheldon said, squinting through the bright lights at the printing on the spine declaring the book to be ‘the Official Kama Sutra Handbook’.

“Quite,” Amy responded. “But patently absurd. Why would a human being put his or her body through so many contortions of form for a simple muscle spasm?”

“Amy,” Sheldon condescended, “there are many reasons why a person might become obsessed with orgasms. The cheap testosterone rush, the spike of adrenaline…endless hours of maintenance downtime on Wizard’s servers…”

“A hypotenuse,” Amy declared. “We can’t find a base cause until we test the method.”

Sheldon’s expression took on a quixotic quality. “You aren’t suggesting we buy that book?”

Amy grinned. “Why yes. I am.”

He frowned. “You’re paying the full asking price yourself, missy.”

And Amy just grinned, picking up the book and carrying it off to the register.

**

They carefully set the date aside; Sheldon had strongly suggested his roommates go see Cowboys Versus Aliens again (Yes, even though it gave Howard night terrors the last time he paid for tickets); Amy found a sitter for her monkey. They faced off in Sheldon’s bedroom like two wary Vulcans experiencing their first taste of Pon Farr madness.

“I suppose you wish for me to disrobe first,” Sheldon said, unbuttoning the first snap of his pajamas.

“The book,” Amy said, pointing to the page they’d left sprawled open, “suggests we should undress one another for mutual visual benefit.”

Sheldon pouted. “How many steps does this act include?”

Amy reached over and started unbuttoning his pajamas. “The art of love is a complex dance.” She got the top open and took both of his hands, placing them on the top button of her bright red long johns. “Please assist me.”

He frowned at the row of large white buttons, unsnapping them with some distaste. “It might be easier if you removed the bottoms while I busied myself with your mammary glands.”

She scoffed. “You’ve read too many pornographic magazines. A mutual, beneficial caressing will be pleasing to us both.” He got the long johns open and shoved them firmly down her arms.

Suddenly, he was confronted by a half-naked Amy, who stared up at him expectantly. “Well. Hello.”

She gave him a faint smile in return, running a finger down his abdomen. “Hello.”

Sheldon spasmed in laughter. “Good Hawkings, woman.” Then he deliberately sobered. “What does the book say we should do next?”

She leaned over and read the text. “Caressing and kissing is a great way to open up the higher plateaus of arousal.” She shrugged. “Very well.”

The kiss was a quick, formal nip. Sheldon stood back on his heels. “Well, I don’t know what the fuss is all about.”

“Perhaps a longer, deeper kiss?” She tilted her head, and he oozed up toward her. This one was slightly more intimate. Amy wrapped her arm around Sheldon’s neck, which broke the embrace.

They looked into each other’s eyes. “Perhaps we should move on to the caressing stage.”

“Yes, perhaps,” Amy said, sitting down on the bed and shimmying out of the long johns. “Give me your pajama bottoms. “

He placed a hand over the crotch of his pajamas. “You wish to see me in the nude?”

“It’s a requirement of intercourse,” she declared.

“That’s a lie,” he insisted. “I might simply button down the front.”

“Indubitably. But in either scenario I will see your penis.” Sheldon glowered. She triumphantly held out her hand, and he shucked the pajama bottoms down. Amy eyed his crotch, sucked her tongue, and nodded her head. “Impressive.”

“Thank you for your empty flattery.”

“It’s most certainly not empty.”

Sheldon sat down on the bed beside her and said. “Caressing, then?”

“Yes, caressing.” With that, Amy reached over and ran her hand up his thigh, directly to said phallus, which she took into her hand with the eagerness of a Wisconsin milkmaid.

Sheldon leapt back on the bed. “PLEASE warn me if you’re going to touch that!”

“It’s erect,” Amy declared. “I simply presumed that you wished me to caress it.”

Sheldon sat as stiff as his member. “The polite gesture would be to ask me.”

She caressed his earlobe. Perhaps to see how he would react. Sheldon looked into her eyes and sighed.

“May I caress your mammary glands?” he asked abruptly.

Amy nodded. “You may.” He reached out and grasped both breasts. He weighed them in his hands, and then gently caressed the tip of each breast. Amy’s breath steepened appreciably, but she didn’t complain about how tightly he was holding her.

“Perhaps I should stimulate your nipples?”

“Please,” Amy said. When she reached for his penis this time, he didn’t even protest. He fondled her breasts, she lightly massaged his cock, and both stared in confused fascination at the reactions of their bodies. They had each technically experienced arousal before, but never quite with another person in the room.

“Fascinating,” Sheldon declared.

“Yes,” Amy echoed. “Perhaps genital stimulation on your part would be…”

“Obviously,” he nodded, getting a hand between them. After spending a few moments patting her thighs, she pulled his hand toward the top of her vagina.

“I believe I require clitoral stimulation.”

“Yes,” Sheldon agreed, trying to dampen his fingers before rubbing a bit too sharply against the tip of it. “You definitely seem to.”

Amy grew fervent, her eyes wide and confused, distracted, as he continued to awkwardly rub away. “Ooof!” Suddenly she was pushing him away, her hand coming up off his cock. Amy sat quite still for a moment, and Sheldon remained panting beside her, his shiny-headed cock hard and pointing out in stark relief from his body. “Perhaps now would be the time for us to engage in intercourse.”

“Yes, please,” Sheldon whispered, reaching for his copy of ‘the Star Wars Collectible Guidebook’, into which he had secreted a single condom borrowed from Leonard.

“Which of the positions would you like to attempt?” She asked. Once the condom had been applied, they sat together with the book, their expressions growing more and more deeply confused with every page passed.

“Perhaps basic missionary position intercourse would be ideal?” Amy suggested.

“I agree wholeheartedly.” Amy assumed the conventional position, and Sheldon - one leg between both of hers – managed to press himself into her sex with a minimal amount of fuss. He made a strangled sound he muffled against his pillow as he entered her.

“Well,” he said, and then cleared his throat as his voice squeaked. “How do you feel?”

Amy paused to think. “Oddly comfortable considering the invasion of my lower environs. Perhaps motion might be advisable.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He pulled back and pushed forward, pressing an ‘eep’ out of Amy.

He froze, shocked. “What have I done?”

She shook her head, and Sheldon – who couldn’t resist the base pull of her body, started thrusting to the rhythm of her words. “Do continue. I believe I might…oh….eep..be….eep…experiencing…significant…eep…palpitations of….my..lower…hoooo!”

Sheldon made a noise that the untrained ear might mistake for a yelp. Because it was a yelp. He somehow managed not to knock Amy in the nose with his elbow while he sprawled over her prone body and they gasped together in a pile of limbs.

After a moment of reflection, they rolled apart. Both stared at the ceiling for a moment.

“Fascinating,” Amy said, reaching over to touch Sheldon’s hand.

“Indubitably,” Sheldon agreed, and squeezed her fingertips.


End file.
